My Bluths and Me

I never thought I was going to see the day.
I thought the light had gone out forever.
It's been six years, and I feel like a complete person again.

I haven't been able to say this for years; I can't believe actually saying this:

There's new episodes of Arrested Development this weekend!

By now, you all know about the famous/infamous run of Arrested Development. There has never been such a lopsided show in terms of critical acclaim vs ratings. This show had all the buzz and none of the views. It ran on Sunday nights, against the Sopranos, Fox didn't necessarily believe in it. At one point, it's lead in was Michael Rappaport's sitcom "The War at Home", which was one of the worst regarded half hours of television in history.

My brothers Louie, Dean, and I would keep Fox on after the 4:15 pm football game would go off the air and we'd just watch all of the sitcoms. We weren't really into any of them. And one Sunday night, we decided to leave the tv on until that new show, Arrested Development started. I'm not sure how it happened, but it happened; I watched the pilot of Arrested Development as it aired.

I was engrossed. I felt like I was being sucked into the TV.
I had never seen anything like this show, like these jokes. I can still remember the feeling of sheer joy that I felt when they showed Tobias get on the boat full of homosexual protesters, what I feel to be the first real "Arrested Development-y" joke of the series.

 I laughed so hard, I laughed myself into a state of bliss.

How did they do that? They showed the setup after the punchline! I laughed so hard I missed the next joke. This was the most amazing show I had ever seen!

I came to school the next day expecting to talk about this new show all day. No one else in my grade had seen it. No one. I begged everyone I knew to watch it.

The next week came. There's always money in the banana stand! One of the all-time classic TV jokes.

And I went to school that Monday.  One other person saw it. One. A singular being.
How was this possible?

The show went on. The running gags piled up; it rewarded me for being a careful watcher. I felt smart. And it barely got a second season. When the DVDs came out, my brothers and I spent all of time watching the DVDs with other people or loaning them out to our friends. It became our crusade to save this show. The second season was supposed to be it, the end, no more. The fans (all 6 of us) rebelled. We drafted petitions. We got a third season!

Charlize Theron was a guest star for 6 episodes! Yeah, Oscar winner Charlize Theron. And then we got cut from 22 episodes to a meager 13. And the final four episodes were broadcasted on one night, opposite the Winter Olympics opening ceremonies. I didn't watch the final four; I was cheering on my high school in the state basketball tournament. In the grand scheme of things, I wish I could have been there wish the Bluths to say goodbye. They were such an important part of my life. They were my family.

No, I'm not exaggerating.
The Bluths are my family. The Bluths were there for me when I needed it.



I'm about to get real with you guys for a sec.

My family life back in 2003 wasn't good. Hell, I'll say it was fucked up.

My grandfather was on a terribly slow and painful decline. What complicated this ordeal was grandma's death a few years earlier. See, my grandmother was struck and killed by an underage drunk driver. We sued the bar, grandpa got a huge settlement. Then grandpa began to become senile. Suddenly, relatives from everywhere showed up and fought for this dying, senile man's money.
 I won't go into details about the shit my family pulled on one another, because I subscribe to the Kelly Roland school of morality (You know I'm not gonna diss you on the internet cuz my mama taught me better than that).
My extended family crumbled, and my nuclear family suffered as well. My mom withdrew emotionally, and my father was a tyrant around the house. My family life became torture.
My family was torn apart by itself, and I was a helpless teenager, forced to sit back and watch people who were supposed to love each other fight each other like the most bitter of enemies.

What kind of family does this to each other?

I should have been mad at my relatives. It would have easy. The fact was, I just wasn't. I had the backstabbing, dishonest Bluth family to laugh at instead. All of my anger and grief got redirected into laughs at the Bluths. The Bluths are the ultimate dysfunctional family; they made my family squabbles look amateur. And the Bluths fought, but they made up. There was a lot of lying, but a lot of love.

When my family was less than ideal, the Bluths were there for me. I could laugh at my real family's faults in the form of my fake family. Hell, who am I kidding? The Bluths were there for me when I needed it. The Bluths are the reason I am a sane adult today.

The Bluths are members of my real family. 

It was so sad to see them go in 2006. We never thought they'd be back. I mean, the show was almost dead 3 times before the it got mercy killed.

And then I had a fateful conversation with a friend of mine.

Him: Have you heard of netflix instant cue?
Me: No, what is it?
Him: You can stream movies, or entire runs of TV shows.
Me: I guess that's cool.
Him: Dom, you don't get it. I just watched all of Arrested Development. At once.
Me: This is the greatest invention ever.

Next thing I know, all of my friends, all of my minor acquaintances, were in to Arrested Development, the way it was supposed to be viewed- carefully and all at once, so the jokes could just flood you. Thanks Netflix!

It actually kinda sucked at first. Arrested Development was such an obscure show, that I could quote it and use it as my own. Once, I drunkenly knocked over a pinata at a friend's birthday party. Everyone's eyes were instantly drawn to me, and I said, "That was 90 percent gravity..."

Years later, that friend texted me and said "haha. 90 percent gravity. OK Buster".
Suddenly, the world knew I wasn't funny, I was just quoting something obscure. In the same light, I hope Frisky Dingo never gets popular, or everyone will learn where I draw the other half of my one liners...

So anyway, then everyone just started to understand me. As my buddy Joe once told me:

"You know how when people meet someone's parents, they understand that person so much better? Like, 'oh this explains why he acts this way'? Yeah, this is what happens when people watch Arrested Developement; they meet your family."

And that's true. This is my family. And everyone got to meet my family. 
I was happy enough just that my friends got to meet my family; I didn't think they'd be as passionate for them as we all were in the good ol days...

Now it seemed like the whole world wanted my family back.
And it's finally happening. For the first time in years, I get to spend a Sunday night with my family.



I hope you all love the new episodes of Arrested Development. I know they'll be just as crazy and ingenious as they used to be; I believe in Mitch Hurwitz.

No matter what, I still have my family to return to whenever I need them: Michael, George, Lucille, GOB, Lindsay, Tobias, Maeby, George Michael, and Buster. And sometimes Oscar. And Annyong. And I guess Barry counts...and STEVE HOLT!! And Franklin...the list just keeps going...

 -Love Always
Dom Bluth