Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
On On Fantasy
I was having a bad day yesterday. But suddenly, my day turned around. HBO posted this picture on the internet.
For those of you that don't immediately recognize these people, this is a still of Stannis Baratheon and Melisandre the Red Woman, my two favorite characters from George R.R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire books. I was overjoyed. There they were, human actors bringing two of my favorite fantasy constructs to life. Yesterday was a good day; I escaped to escapism. That night I beat story mode in Soul Calibur 5 and read X-Men comics.
Sci-Fi and Fantasy exist for bad days. If the real world isn't cutting it, who says you can't go to Westeros or the Xavier Mansion? I remember being eleven and twelve; I was an awkward child who was overweight and lisped. Where did I go to get away from it all? Redwall Abbey.
As a preteen, I knew the halls of Redwall Abbey and the woods of Mossflower as well as I knew my own neighborhood. I could draw the map like a self portrait, I could recite all the Redwallers in order to wield the sword of Martin the Warrior, I could speak in the quasi-Scottish Molespeak. This level of escaping into my favorite fantasy worlds continued as I aged: I know far too much about Fire Emblem, and in the words of Alex Brennan I "know more about Magneto's family tree than [my] own".
Then in 2011 while I was studying Latin in the CCM Library, I looked at Twitter's trending topics and began to cry. It read: RIP Brian Jacques.
I never once met the author of Redwall. I've barely even heard him speak. But it moved me when he died. He wrote stories about mice and squirrels who live in castles. And I lived there. I spent my childhood by the creek with Dean and our friend Sam pretending it was Mossflower Woods. He wrote words that lived within his imagination, but it became a part of mine. It was a part of my life. It was my solace. It was my home.
I still run head first into fantasy, and on days when I don't, I seem to be dragged in head first. My aunt once showed me a musing once that summed it up. By who?
Who else, George R. R. Martin.
"The best fantasy is written in the language of dreams. It is alive as dreams are alive, more real than real ... for a moment at least ... that long magic moment before we wake.
Fantasy is silver and scarlet, indigo and azure, obsidian veined with gold and lapis lazuli. Reality is plywood and plastic, done up in mud brown and olive drab. Fantasy tastes of habaneros and honey, cinnamon and cloves, rare red meat and wines as sweet as summer. Reality is beans and tofu, and ashes at the end. Reality is the strip malls of Burbank, the smokestacks of Cleveland, a parking garage in Newark. Fantasy is the towers of Minas Tirith, the ancient stones of Gormenghast, the halls of Camelot. Fantasy flies on the wings of Icarus, reality on Southwest Airlines. Why do our dreams become so much smaller when they finally come true?
We read fantasy to find the colors again, I think. To taste strong spices and hear the songs the sirens sang. There is something old and true in fantasy that speaks to something deep within us, to the child who dreamt that one day he would hunt the forests of the night, and feast beneath the hollow hills, and find a love to last forever somewhere south of Oz and north of Shangri-La.
They can keep their heaven. When I die, I'd sooner go to middle Earth."
Sci-Fi and Fantasy exist for bad days. If the real world isn't cutting it, who says you can't go to Westeros or the Xavier Mansion? I remember being eleven and twelve; I was an awkward child who was overweight and lisped. Where did I go to get away from it all? Redwall Abbey.
As a preteen, I knew the halls of Redwall Abbey and the woods of Mossflower as well as I knew my own neighborhood. I could draw the map like a self portrait, I could recite all the Redwallers in order to wield the sword of Martin the Warrior, I could speak in the quasi-Scottish Molespeak. This level of escaping into my favorite fantasy worlds continued as I aged: I know far too much about Fire Emblem, and in the words of Alex Brennan I "know more about Magneto's family tree than [my] own".
Then in 2011 while I was studying Latin in the CCM Library, I looked at Twitter's trending topics and began to cry. It read: RIP Brian Jacques.
I never once met the author of Redwall. I've barely even heard him speak. But it moved me when he died. He wrote stories about mice and squirrels who live in castles. And I lived there. I spent my childhood by the creek with Dean and our friend Sam pretending it was Mossflower Woods. He wrote words that lived within his imagination, but it became a part of mine. It was a part of my life. It was my solace. It was my home.
I still run head first into fantasy, and on days when I don't, I seem to be dragged in head first. My aunt once showed me a musing once that summed it up. By who?
Who else, George R. R. Martin.
"The best fantasy is written in the language of dreams. It is alive as dreams are alive, more real than real ... for a moment at least ... that long magic moment before we wake.
Fantasy is silver and scarlet, indigo and azure, obsidian veined with gold and lapis lazuli. Reality is plywood and plastic, done up in mud brown and olive drab. Fantasy tastes of habaneros and honey, cinnamon and cloves, rare red meat and wines as sweet as summer. Reality is beans and tofu, and ashes at the end. Reality is the strip malls of Burbank, the smokestacks of Cleveland, a parking garage in Newark. Fantasy is the towers of Minas Tirith, the ancient stones of Gormenghast, the halls of Camelot. Fantasy flies on the wings of Icarus, reality on Southwest Airlines. Why do our dreams become so much smaller when they finally come true?
We read fantasy to find the colors again, I think. To taste strong spices and hear the songs the sirens sang. There is something old and true in fantasy that speaks to something deep within us, to the child who dreamt that one day he would hunt the forests of the night, and feast beneath the hollow hills, and find a love to last forever somewhere south of Oz and north of Shangri-La.
They can keep their heaven. When I die, I'd sooner go to middle Earth."
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Songs I Usta Liek
I was born in 1989, my oldest brother was born in 1979. When he first got into pop music, the radio was all grunge and gangsta rap. So in a moral blitz from the sonic onslaught of Biggie Smalls and Nirvana, my mom put a ban on pop radio in the house. An overreaction, yes, but like a preacher's son to corn liquor, I eventually found pop music. It was a bit like a speakeasy; I listened to Kiss FM in the car with my older brothers, I would hang out with neighborhood friends at 4pm after school so I could watch TRL at their houses. I became adept at switching the cable from MTV on channel 3a to Nickelodeon on 3b. Do you remember when cable had A and B?
It was late 99- 2000. Does the music I first got into still hold up today? Probably not.
BARENAKED LADIES- Pinch Me
I had been vaguely aware of this band years earlier, for that "Chickety-China" song. But I never got into to before I heard this hit. Still one of the Ladies' classics, a positive yet depressing song as only BNL can do about the malaise of coming back home after after being famous. But let's not lie; they just made you say underwear. As a lonely 6th grader, I asked for this album for Christmas 2000. It was the first album I memorized word for happy sounding but actually sad word. I had found my first love, and kindred spirits.
Legacy: BNL needed a bit hit after One Week, lest they be known as that Chickety-China band. They pulled a classic pop trick and sang sad words happily and added Pet Sounds backup harmonies, with a little white boy rapping, and grew there cult fanbase with another top 10 hit.
Does it hold up?: Yes. It sounds a bit dated, with the drum loop and the chorus, but it sounds like an era of post hip-hop pop that the Ladies snuggled into. And when Ed makes you say underwear, the guitar gives a little laugh in the background. This is what good pop music is.
AEROSMITH- Jaded
Aerosmith, at the end of their run was a pop group. This song has more hooks than when Oasis goes fishing. That was the best and worst joke I have ever made. This song is huge: Joe Perry monster riffs, random Britney Spears-esque percussive gasps, swells of strings and a wonderful performance by Steven Tyler, who sings fearlessly here, crushing every high note and snarling through the middle register.
Legacy: Aerosmith's last real hit, on their worst album, and only released because the record label would drop them if they didn't. This is pop Aerosmith, and soon after this song was released, they played the Super Bowl with *NSYNC.
But does it hold up? Kinda. For how obviously tailored to be on the radio it was, everything works. You can still spend a day listening to this and not get bored. It's no Walk this Way, but thank God it's not Girls of Summer or Just Push Play or any of the really bad Aerosmith songs.
SISQO- Thong Song
I had no idea who Dru Hill were. I had no idea what dumps like a truck meant. I had no idea what a thong was. But Sisqo made me aware. I now consider myself an assman, thanks in large part to this video and the general infectiousness of shouting "THONG-THA-THONG-THONG-THONG".
Legacy: The song of the summer of '00, this never made it to #1. It did give the formulaic ballad released on its heels "Incomplete" the momentum to go to #1, but you can't even remember that song. Sisqo is regarded as a one-hit wonder for his non-number-one.
But does it hold up?: Sometimes. Put this on in your car and be ridiculed. But it on at a party and watch the madness ensue.
SMOOTH- Santana and Rob Thomas
After Ricky Martin waged war on the US charts and his compatriots followed suit, 60s guitar god Carlos Santana decided to get back onto the pop charts. He recruited then chartoppers and cut a new album. The lead off single is this monster jam with Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20, a song written to be a Santana type song. And damn it, he wrote a Santana song. And old Carlos dominated every award in 99-2000.
Legacy: What you are listening to is a beautiful thing. This is an icon going pop without sacrificing his integrity. This is the anti-sellout. This is a match burning twice. This is Santana as a pop star, while still playing his guitar the same way that got him to be a guitar hero. This is how you cross over.
Also, Smooth is the second biggest hit in the history of the Billboard 100, second to only The Twist. Bigger the Elvis, bigger than the Beatles, second only to the song that broke rock and roll to adults.
But does it hold up?: Abso-fucking-lutely. This is a master musician's most accessible song. That riff wails and makes you feel like a hot day in the sun in a Hispanic neighborhood. That outro solo is one of the best solos featured in a #1 pop record. Every other little fill is like a gasp of fresh air during a stifling night at a club. And the beat just makes you groove. It's an absolute classic.
BAHA MEN- Who Let the Dogs Out?
Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out?
THIS. SONG.WAS. EVERYWHERE. I had this cd. I admit it, I did.
Legacy: We don't know who let the dogs out. But play this at any sporting event and everyone will bark. But still, you never listened to the lyrics of the song enough to understand the narrative. And you probz don't remember how the verses and bridge sound (hint:lame). But you know the chorus. WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? Years later when Sean Paul got huge, the Baha Men saw it coming. But they saw it from home, as they never had a hit again.
But does it hold up?: Fuck No
It was late 99- 2000. Does the music I first got into still hold up today? Probably not.
BARENAKED LADIES- Pinch Me
I had been vaguely aware of this band years earlier, for that "Chickety-China" song. But I never got into to before I heard this hit. Still one of the Ladies' classics, a positive yet depressing song as only BNL can do about the malaise of coming back home after after being famous. But let's not lie; they just made you say underwear. As a lonely 6th grader, I asked for this album for Christmas 2000. It was the first album I memorized word for happy sounding but actually sad word. I had found my first love, and kindred spirits.
Legacy: BNL needed a bit hit after One Week, lest they be known as that Chickety-China band. They pulled a classic pop trick and sang sad words happily and added Pet Sounds backup harmonies, with a little white boy rapping, and grew there cult fanbase with another top 10 hit.
Does it hold up?: Yes. It sounds a bit dated, with the drum loop and the chorus, but it sounds like an era of post hip-hop pop that the Ladies snuggled into. And when Ed makes you say underwear, the guitar gives a little laugh in the background. This is what good pop music is.
AEROSMITH- Jaded
Aerosmith, at the end of their run was a pop group. This song has more hooks than when Oasis goes fishing. That was the best and worst joke I have ever made. This song is huge: Joe Perry monster riffs, random Britney Spears-esque percussive gasps, swells of strings and a wonderful performance by Steven Tyler, who sings fearlessly here, crushing every high note and snarling through the middle register.
Legacy: Aerosmith's last real hit, on their worst album, and only released because the record label would drop them if they didn't. This is pop Aerosmith, and soon after this song was released, they played the Super Bowl with *NSYNC.
But does it hold up? Kinda. For how obviously tailored to be on the radio it was, everything works. You can still spend a day listening to this and not get bored. It's no Walk this Way, but thank God it's not Girls of Summer or Just Push Play or any of the really bad Aerosmith songs.
SISQO- Thong Song
I had no idea who Dru Hill were. I had no idea what dumps like a truck meant. I had no idea what a thong was. But Sisqo made me aware. I now consider myself an assman, thanks in large part to this video and the general infectiousness of shouting "THONG-THA-THONG-THONG-THONG".
Legacy: The song of the summer of '00, this never made it to #1. It did give the formulaic ballad released on its heels "Incomplete" the momentum to go to #1, but you can't even remember that song. Sisqo is regarded as a one-hit wonder for his non-number-one.
But does it hold up?: Sometimes. Put this on in your car and be ridiculed. But it on at a party and watch the madness ensue.
SMOOTH- Santana and Rob Thomas
After Ricky Martin waged war on the US charts and his compatriots followed suit, 60s guitar god Carlos Santana decided to get back onto the pop charts. He recruited then chartoppers and cut a new album. The lead off single is this monster jam with Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20, a song written to be a Santana type song. And damn it, he wrote a Santana song. And old Carlos dominated every award in 99-2000.
Legacy: What you are listening to is a beautiful thing. This is an icon going pop without sacrificing his integrity. This is the anti-sellout. This is a match burning twice. This is Santana as a pop star, while still playing his guitar the same way that got him to be a guitar hero. This is how you cross over.
Also, Smooth is the second biggest hit in the history of the Billboard 100, second to only The Twist. Bigger the Elvis, bigger than the Beatles, second only to the song that broke rock and roll to adults.
But does it hold up?: Abso-fucking-lutely. This is a master musician's most accessible song. That riff wails and makes you feel like a hot day in the sun in a Hispanic neighborhood. That outro solo is one of the best solos featured in a #1 pop record. Every other little fill is like a gasp of fresh air during a stifling night at a club. And the beat just makes you groove. It's an absolute classic.
BAHA MEN- Who Let the Dogs Out?
Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out?
THIS. SONG.WAS. EVERYWHERE. I had this cd. I admit it, I did.
Legacy: We don't know who let the dogs out. But play this at any sporting event and everyone will bark. But still, you never listened to the lyrics of the song enough to understand the narrative. And you probz don't remember how the verses and bridge sound (hint:lame). But you know the chorus. WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? Years later when Sean Paul got huge, the Baha Men saw it coming. But they saw it from home, as they never had a hit again.
But does it hold up?: Fuck No
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Contrary to the character I play on my blog, I do other things than watch My Little Pony and Game of Thrones all day.
You know, Rarity is the lamest. Good pick, Dosh Khaleen.
But seriously, sometime I sports. And this is my favorite sporting event of the year- The Super Bowl; which I can say on my blog without needed to buy the rights to.
About this time last year, I accurately picked the Super Bowl winner by declaring the Packers winning would make a better sports movie (starring BJ Novak)
Thus this Sunday is a matchup between the Giants and Patriots. Who's story is better? Let's look at the storylines:
#1 Eli "Abel" Manning
For Eli's whole career he has been the whimpy younger brother to Peyton "Laser-Rocket-Arm" Manning, God's gift to quarterbacks.
But let's look at the facts:
-Peyton is a stud in the regular season, but
- He's just kinda meh in the playoffs.
-Peyton's been in roughly twice as many playoff games as Eli, but they've won about the same number of games
-All but one of those Eli wins is on the road (NFL record btw)
-They've both won the same number of Super Bowls (one)
-and Eli has never lost a Super Bowl, meaning he beat the Patriots, the team that Peyton could never beat
If Eli wins this weekend, we might have a classic "younger brother gives a more perfect offering scenario". Will Eli outshine Peyton if he wins another Super Bowl. Maybe. If he wins two more, most likely. And with Peyton's career uncertain, Eli's career might be on the up and up.
#2 Tom Brady is Angry
You guys remember this, right?
Yeah so does Tom Brady. That was supposed to be an easy win. That was supposed to cap off a perfect season and move him past Bob Griese for most perfect QB, and give him his fourth Super Bowl win, putting Brady in a tie for most with Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana. But it didn't. And Brady remembers.
So, do you think the Patriots, who so desperately wanted to beat the New York Jets in the regular season that they stole paperwork form the Democratic National Convention headquarters in the Spygate hotel (or something) are gonna hold back with a second chance to beat the Giants?
#3 Is Tim Tebow in this game?
No, because the Patriots beat him. And the Giants will avenge him. Go Tebows!
#4 The Literal Translation
umm...
If that's the case and the mascots are actually playing each other, how can the Titans ever lose?
..I heard their quarterback Kronos cut off his coach's balls just to prove a point.
But seriously, sometime I sports. And this is my favorite sporting event of the year- The Super Bowl; which I can say on my blog without needed to buy the rights to.
About this time last year, I accurately picked the Super Bowl winner by declaring the Packers winning would make a better sports movie (starring BJ Novak)
#1 Eli "Abel" Manning
For Eli's whole career he has been the whimpy younger brother to Peyton "Laser-Rocket-Arm" Manning, God's gift to quarterbacks.
-Peyton is a stud in the regular season, but
- He's just kinda meh in the playoffs.
-Peyton's been in roughly twice as many playoff games as Eli, but they've won about the same number of games
-All but one of those Eli wins is on the road (NFL record btw)
-They've both won the same number of Super Bowls (one)
-and Eli has never lost a Super Bowl, meaning he beat the Patriots, the team that Peyton could never beat
If Eli wins this weekend, we might have a classic "younger brother gives a more perfect offering scenario". Will Eli outshine Peyton if he wins another Super Bowl. Maybe. If he wins two more, most likely. And with Peyton's career uncertain, Eli's career might be on the up and up.
#2 Tom Brady is Angry
You guys remember this, right?
Yeah so does Tom Brady. That was supposed to be an easy win. That was supposed to cap off a perfect season and move him past Bob Griese for most perfect QB, and give him his fourth Super Bowl win, putting Brady in a tie for most with Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana. But it didn't. And Brady remembers.
So, do you think the Patriots, who so desperately wanted to beat the New York Jets in the regular season that they stole paperwork form the Democratic National Convention headquarters in the Spygate hotel (or something) are gonna hold back with a second chance to beat the Giants?
#3 Is Tim Tebow in this game?
#4 The Literal Translation
umm...
If that's the case and the mascots are actually playing each other, how can the Titans ever lose?
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