What My Ipod Says About Me. SPOLIERS: It Says I Suck

I just got my ipod fixed! I don't know how I survived with out it; literaly, I was going to die because I couldn't listen to music between class. It was ugly. Now, I can listen to my favorite songs everywhere; thanks Steve!

But what are my favorite songs? I don't think I have a song on my iTunes that I don't like. Stratch that, I own
Soulja Boy's "Bitch I Look like Goku" ironically. Anyway, a basic theory would state that I would listen to my favorite songs the most. Therefore, those songs are the best representation of me.

I am all about appearances, mostly because I lisped until I was thirteen, so how I looked was automatically going to be my best feature in meeting people. So, what appaearances do my Top Ten most played songs on iTunes cast for me?

1- "Check The Rhime"- A Tribe Called Quest (83 plays)

What I Want it to Say About Me: My number one most played song is by the best group in the Native Tongues Collective, meaning I care about not only hip-hop, but also jazz, and politically conscious music.
What It Actually Says About Me: This is merely the most accessible hip-hop group for white people to get into, so the fact that I listen to them just proves I wish I was black.


 2- "Supper's Ready"- Genesis (39 plays)

What I Want it to Say About Me: This song only has 39 plays, but because it is a whopping 23 minutes long, that's closer to 160 plays. I appreciate a song in any form, length or style. I have the patience to appreciate a good song even if it is 23 minutes long. And obviously, I couldn't have heard this on the radio, so I care about Album Oriented Rock.
What It Actually Says About Me: Oh my God, you fucking nerd, who the fuck listens to a Prog Rock song that is THAT long? Women don't like your company.


3- "The Debt Collector" - Blur (65 plays)

What I Want it to Say About Me:  Britpop as a movement never broke in America besides Oasis and Coldplay, but that was the point; it was a point of British pride for a few years to not export the coolest songs on the Isle to the Colonies. Liking an obscure Blur song is proof that I know and care about England, its coolest musical movement, and its inherent class warfare in its pop music. You can just see a row of suburban homes in Colchester when you listen to this song. Also, Blur is from Colchester.
What It Actually Says About Me: Dude, you were in London for less than two days, and all of a sudden you think you're an expert English sociologist? Apparently, I also wish I was English, and I don't even know where Colchester is (but I'm guessing the south of England; Oasis was from the north, and those two bands class warfare blah blah blah Britpop, grunge was cooler).

4- "Bonafied Lovin'"- Chromeo (61 plays)

What I Want it to Say About Me: I love to dance, I am musically diverse, and I am a gentleman. Ergo, I love indie-electro-dance anthems about being a gentleman. Also, Chromeo has described themselves as "the only successful Arab and Jewish partnership since the dawn of human culture" (Gemayel and Macklovitch). Damn it, I'm also racially sensitive.
What It Actually Says About Me: I wasn't around for the real 80's, so I'm settling for songs from 2007 that sound like they're form 1987, which is laaaaaame.

5- "Use Somebody"- Kings of Leon (60 plays)

What I Want it to Say About Me: It was a radio smash from former indie darlings. How do I know this? Because I knew them when they were indie darlings, and I was cool enough to listen to the radio and make it through all of the bad music (this was the summer of the Black Eyed Peas the E.N.D.) to listen to Kings. It rocks hard, it's got musically challenging parts, like that crazy bassline in the 2nd verse (seriously, have you ever noticed that?) and it's a flat out great ballad.
What It Actually Says About Me: I dated a high school girl when this album came out, so I heard this song at prom as a 20 year old. Also, their first two albums were better. And they didn't stoop to writing prom ballads on those albums.

6- "You're the Wanker, If Anyone Is" - Say Anything (59 plays) 

What I Want it to Say About Me: I like emo. But like that shit that was on the radio with men in eyeliner crying, real emotionla punk rock, like Max and the boys. Songs such as this are complicated, dense, and volitile. This album was called "In Defense of the Genre", meaning, emo can still kick ass.
 What It Actually Says About Me: They're not even that emo, I just like having a band I like that I can call emo. Plus, I only listen to this song because he says "Go fuck yourself" really cool like at the end.


7- "This Charming Man"- The Smiths (58 plays) 

What I Want it to Say About Me: I am sensitive man, who fully grasps a song about a an episode from the life of England's most favourite (see what I did there) closeted rock star. The subtle lyrics, with interpolations from 19th century literature, tell the story of the first time Morrissey was infatuated for a man. To even understand that, you have to be deep. Also, I love jangly guitars.
 What It Actually Says About Me:  I have a crush on Morrissey.

8- "Radio Free Europe"- R.E.M. (57 plays) 

What I Want it to Say About Me: I am a true indie rock fan; I listen to the first single by the seminal indie rock group, who influenced all of the 80s and 90s alternative rock. Everyone knows old R.E.M. is better becuase it sounds worse; the man had yet to get to them and demand vocals that were audible in the mix.
 What It Actually Says About Me: I am a d-bag who likes things because I am told to; also, I have a crush on Michael Stipe.

9- "Oxford Comma"- Vampire Weekend (57 plays)

What I Want it to Say About Me: I'm smart! I listen to indie rock with strong Afro-pop overtones by four Columbia grads from Cape Cod that use words like "Dharamsala" and make jokes about english grammar, which is really rediculous compared to other world languages, and make toungue-cheek-references to "Get Low", the only Billboard #1 hit to adress the serious problem of "the sweat runnin' down mah balls". Also, I care about fashion, because, come on, you've seen how those guys dress.
What It Actually Says About Me: I don't actually have any idea what any of these lyrics mean, except for that part where he says "first the window, then it's to the wall", which I think is funny, because the next part is about ball sweat.

10- "Shelf" -The Jonas Brothers (56 plays)

What I Want it to Say About Me: I am a true music lover. I heard about the Jonas Brothers, thought "what's all this fuss about?", listened to their album, actually liked a song, and continued to listen to it. And I have the balls to tell people about it. And by the way, it totally sounds like a Cheap Trick song.
What It Actually Says About Me: I am a 10 year old girl. I deserve to be castrated. Also, I have a crush on a Jonas Brother, more than my crushes on Morrissey and Stipe.

And I'm SUCH a loser, it's Kevin.