Television National Convention

Maybe it's living most of my life in a swing-state, maybe it's growing up in a "Fox News is actually both fair and balanced" household, maybe it's just my paradoxical enthusiasm for apathy, but I get so bored in election years. The Conventions, now that they no longer serve the purpose of nominating anyone, they are now a TV special. I guess that works, because I love event TV. And no one in the recent years has been better at huge TV moments than Breaking Bad.

As much as I have been known to publicly declare my love for the direwolves and the ponies, when it comes to the summer season, I'm all about the rise and (mostly) fall of Walter White.

And that is why, as long as politics are TV, TV should be politics; and I'm nominating Walter White and Jesse Pinkman for President and Vice President. Bitch.

Now that would be a convention for the ages!

The TV party nominates Walter White and Jesse Pinkman. All the other fictional characters show up to watch the speeches. The crowd goes wild with their chant, "I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS", which is a better slogan than "WE BUILT IT".

See, I'd be more comfortable with Mitt Romney if he told me he was the danger.

The wife of the candidate is one of the first keynote speakers; Skyler White had a speech planned, but it became a spontaneous freakout:



Theon Greyjoy, delegate from the Iron Islands, will come through out of nowhere on why this election is do or die:



Will MacAvoy's speech was supposed to be inspiring, but quickly goes off the rails. However, it becomes profound very quickly, and we're all the better for it:



The first huge speech is Vice President nominee Pinkman, who, as always, gives a scene stealer of a speech,this time, about whats next for America

 ...and proceeds to get his mic cut due to profanity


Abed Nadir from Community is the Ron Paul of TV; huge grassroots (cult) following, but too weird to speak at the convention. So of course, they pic the Rand Paul of TV, Jeff Winger, who always gives a rousing speech:



...but eventually just gets weird himself, and he just makes you want Abed/Ron.



Don Draper is the Chris Christie of this convention: the dude the overwhelming majority of the convention wants to be the nominee but won't run for "personal reasons", gives a classic.



Clint Eastwood may have spoken to an empty chair...

But Ron Swanson points a sawed-off shotgun to it:



and we all listen as he demands more bacon and eggs on the platform:



And because we need a former President to speak, deep into the convention, former President Jed Bartlet, gives an impassioned speech

Before the big dog steps up to bat: Walter White.

As his speech starts, he stumbles a bit:



But then he recovers, assuring us we have nothing to fear...


but fear itself. And Walter White is fear. Walter White is the Danger. Walter White...is the one who knocks




Now that's a ticket I can get behind.