Hair Metal Vs. Emo

You may not know this, but Hair Metal and Emo were pretty much the same thing. Let's get this out of the way: the lyrics were different. Hair Metal was all about "we get lots of girls", Emo was "we wish we could get lots of girls". But still, they sang about girls. And they had to have their hair perfect. And their makeup just so; both genres were the glammed out versions of pretty hardcore music. Both ages were during conservative presidents and opulence ran wild in pop music. Cocaine. Lots of cocaine. And every band had to have a ballad in their back pocket read for these hordes of women and the guys who played along on guitar.

The scary part is, on a band to band comparison, all of the major players have an eerily similar doppelganger in either time. Let's get the obvious one out of the way:

Motley Crue is the hair metal band everyone thinks of first. They had the hair, the makeup, the clothes, the tattoos and the appetites for partying that we associate with an 80s metal band. They dated every pop starlet, drank themselves to death, and sang about how they loved women. Vince Neil was the lead singer and actually talented one, but Nikki Sixx, the bassist, songwriter, and media darling, is the famous one, mostly for just being annoying.

Fall Out Boy is the emo band everyone thinks of first. They had the hair, makeup and clothes that went down as emo. They wrote songs about how they couldn't get the girls they wanted. Patrick Stump was the lead singer and talented one, but Pete Wentz, the bassist, songwriter, and media darling is the most famous one, mainly for being annoying.

Coincidence?

Posion was the other big hair metal band. Brett Michaels was a sex symbol for like a minute and they had a flurry of hit singles, but they really weren't a hair metal band. They were just a blues rock band that got caught up in the 80s and did their hair big. When they finally made the music they wanted, Brett Michaels got an accoustic guitar out and sang about roses having thorns and cowboys singing sad sad songs.

Panic! at the Disco was the other big emo band. Brendon Urie was a sex symbol for a second and they had a flurry of hit singles, but they weren't really an emo band. They were just a pop band who got caught up in the 00s and put on guyliner. When they finally made the music they wanted, they were the world's worst Sgt. Pepper's Era Beatles cover band, singing such nonsense as "9 in the afternoon, your eyes are the size of the moon".

Surely there must be more.
Let's look at their influences.

Led Zeppelin was a metal generation or two before hair metal, but they were the archetype. They grew their hair out, their lead singer screeched like a banshee, their guitarist shredded, the rhythm section boomed constantly and they banged a lot of girls.

Weezer was a punk generation or two before emo but they were the archetype. They chugged along on guitars, wailed on gang vocal choruses, wore glasses and looked sad, and their lead singer bore his soul as he read his diary like lyrics.

The other main hair metal influence was KISS. The leather, the makeup, the stage show, pyrotechnics, larger than life attitude; this was how even the lowliest hair metal was supposed to act.
And yes, that IS Vinnie Vincent. Because I'm so legit, I prefer Vinnie over Ace.

Sunny Day Real Estate is the other emo influence. The hushed verses and screaming choruses, the pensive attitudes, the all black wardrobe, the indie aesthetic; this is how all emo bands should act.
And yes, that IS the bassist from the Foo Fighters.

 Def Leppard was a New Wave British Heavy Metal Band, but they had such good pop sensibilities, by the time "Pour Some Sugar on Me" was on the radio, we were pretty sure they were a hair metal band.

Jimmy Eat World was an Indie band, but with such good pop sensibilities, when you heard "The Middle" on the radio, we were pretty sure it was emo.

 Quiet Riot first hit it big in hair metal. All they did was play glam rock really fucking loud, but they managed to make genre defining hits like "Cum on Feel the Noize", "Metal Health" and "Bang Your Head".

Dashboard Confessional was the first act to hit it big in emo. All he did was be a screaming singer songwriter, but he produced genre defining hits like "Screaming Infidelities" "Hands Down" and "Stolen".

Black Sabbath was the defining heavy metal sound, but when Ozzy met Randy Rhoads and started going off the rails of crazy trains, he started selling out stadiums and you knew hair metal had arrived.

Green Day was the defining California punk sound, but when they started writing concept albums and wearing eyeliner and singing about walking a lonely road, you knew emo had arrived.

Van Halen was the most fun metal band of the late 70s, but when they broke out the synthesizer in the early 80s and rocked out on "Jump", hair metal was about to blow up.
Afterwards, the lead singer went on to a career of being a hair metal cliche

Blink 182 was the most fun punk band of the late 90s, then they put on makeup and got acoustic instruments and totally rocked out on "I Miss You". Emo was gonna be a big thing. And of course their singer left to be an emo cliche...

...and then Fall Out Boy/ Motley Crue broke. You know how it worked: an underground yet well respected album (Take this to Your Grave/ Too Fast For Love) a breakthrough album with genre anthems (From Under the Cork Tree with "Sugar We're Going Down", "Dance Dance" and "A Little Less Sixteen Candles..."; oh yeah, you thought I forgot about that last one/ Shout at the Devil with "Shout at the Devil" "Looks that Kill" and "Too Young to Fall in Love"; oh yeah, you thought I forgot about that last one) then they staggered on in complacency (Infinity on High/ Girls, Girls, Girls) before making one of the decade's most underrated albums (Follie a Duex/ Dr. Feelgood).

Of course in this scene and or arms race, their companion bands arose.

Twisted Sister: a really loud glam band.

My Chemical Romance: a really sad glam band.

W.A.S.P.: I can't believe they get chicks looking like that

A.F.I.: I can't believe they get chicks looking like that

 Winger: Great songs, great singing, but will always be known as Kyp Winger and his band Winger

30 Seconds to Mars: Great songs, great singing, but will always be known as Jared Leto and his band 30 Seconds to Mars.

Warrant: That anonymous hair metal band that the girls like with the one big song.

Boys Like Girls: That anonymous emo band that the girls like with the one big song.

Lita Ford: Hot chick thrown in a hair metal band to make boys drool.

Hayley Williams: Hot chick thrown in an emo band to make boys drool.

Skid Row: Forget how corny they look, they actually rocked pretty hard.

Brand New: Forget how corny they look, they actually rocked pretty hard.

Queensryche: Ok, not fair; they were just a progressive rock band that happened to be really heavy. They made all concept albums, let's see a hair metal band to that!

Say Anything: Ok, not fair; they were just an indie band that happened to be really anguished. They made all concept albums, let's see an emo band to that!

Extreme: I bet they were actually pretty rockin', but dammit the only song I know is "More than Words", which, all things considered, is a classic ballad.

Plain White T's: I bet they were actually pretty rockin', but dammit the only song I know is "Hey There Delilah", which, all things considered, is a classic ballad.

Stryper: I distinctly remember them being a Christian Rock band...

Anberlin: I distinctly remember them being a Christian Rock band...

Scorpions: Seriously WTF Germany...

Tokio Hotel: SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK GERMANY?!?!

There it is. I'm finished. Emo is completely equal to hair metal, and I didn't miss any band that would dramaticly sway the balance of power...

Oh yeah. Those guys...

Guns N' Roses have no parallel. While they looked like a hair band, they also weren't that glammy, they had big hair and they wore cool clothes. Their metal was pop friendly, but it wasn't pop metal. They the most idiosyncratic front man of the era, the biggest hits of the times, a cult following and one of the greatest guitarists of all time. Some bands are said that "they only had one album in them". This was true of GNR; Appetite for Destruction is the only album that still holds up. But still, they made four albums (Chinese Democracy does not count) and the one good one is easily top 20 albums ever, not to mention one of the highest selling all time.
And did I mention Slash? He was so good he was befriended by Les Paul; the guy who invented his instrument thought he was good enough to warrant a friendship! I mean, Slash was dying of heroin for most of his career in GNR and still could outplay any one of his axe-playing peers.
People like to think after Nirvana that hair metal died. Not that easy. From 91-94, the most popular band in the world was Guns N' Roses, not any grunge band. The world pretty much stopped when MTV premiered the video for "November Rain". The real issue was, GNR died with Kurt Cobain; they were supposed to be the defenders of metal from that grunge onslaught, and they were indeed, but when Kurt died and grunge erupted, there was no longer anything for Axl to take a stand against. Axl was lost without his nemesis, the band drifted apart. But their legacy stayed intact. I can think of think of three hair metal songs that rock radio still consistently plays:
"Welcome to the Jungle", "Sweet Child O' Mine" and "Paradise City"

And Slash is so good.
This is why hair metal will always win. Emo didn't have anything close to the level of Guns N' Roses.