anyway, as we were getting Pan-Asian-American Fusion food (fried chicken with Korean rice noodles and a garlic sauce. AmerAsia in Covington, go there now), three fortune cookies were placed in front of us. Now, one of my pet peeves is that I hate when fortune cookies are not fortunes. Don't you hate when it's just a wise saying and/or a compliment? I want a damn fortune!
Well, I got a fortune all right
If you can't read that or you're in disbelief, it reads: "Your problem just got bigger. Think, what have you done."
First of all, yes, there should be a question mark. But we don't need to dwell on that. Let's focus on a negative fortune cookie. Ummm, they exist? I haven't heard of a negative fortune cookie since?
...since Filbert got one. I would like to quote my old pal Tom P. Meyers upon learning that a crackhead who can only be described as Tyrone Biggums from Chapelle's show stole my phone at a Panera:
"It is so appropriate that your life would become a TV show"
I would like to digress and point out that Filbert is totally the same voice actor as Plankton.
Anyway. What have I done to deserve this? Everyone asked me "dude, what's up with your karma?"
Who do I look like?
well, maybe more than Filbert. I mean, shit, if I'm already turning into Filbert, I may as well be Earl for an episode.
Seeing as I hold no other doctrines of Hinduism, I ought not to believe in karma. But it got to me. And I wondered, what is the purpose of this happening to me.
That Friday, I arrive at Tony and Kelly's house to house sit while they go on vacation. I'm able to catch them before they leave. Kelly rushes to the door and presents to me a newly bedazzled left hand.
And it became clear.
Could you imagine if Tony, with an engagement ring waiting, had gotten a fortune that read "YOUR MISTAKE JUST GOT BIGGER. THINK WHAT HAVE YOU DONE(?)"
My karma was taking a bullet for Tony. My bad luck was to create good luck for my brother. I was an instrument of good karma for another person.
My name is Dom
Congratulations Tony and Kelly. Now I no longer have to awkwardly call her my brother's girlfriend of 9 years.
Maybe it was a command, telling you to think the actual words "what have you done"
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