Let me say I don't normally believe in pop-prophecies. Apparently, the Rapture is going to happen every 10 years until 2012 happens, and all of this was predicted by Nostradamus. The only concession I will make about Nostradamus is that he was the concept behind Judas Priest's final album; perhaps if he predicted the downfall of the Metal Gods, I will listen.

But just some times, I believe pop culture predicts the future.

Cracked.com hosted an article by a kindred spirit named Andrew Gordon about how Starship Troopers predicted the War on Terror. I highly recomemend you read it. If not, here's the skinny.

A sudden attack on a civilian target triggers the wrath of the humans against a long misunderstood but never actively feared group of aliens from a desert world. The initial invasion is bungled due to underestimation, the second wave beings by an overly-grandiose aerial strike campaign followed by a desert stalemate, even after we captured the leader.

Yeah, pretty much Paul Verhoeven is a time traveler.

And of course there's my favorite chapter from my favorite book not starring Rorschach or Jean Valjean, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story, in which Chuck Klosterman uncovers that Radiohead's Kid A could easily be a reaction to 9/11, although released in 10/00...

Once again, I suggest you read the whole thing (Along with the ones about Rorachach and Jean Valjean), but here's a sample:

Technology solves everything, because technology is invulnerable. And this is what almost everyone in America thought around 8:30 A.M. But something happens three and a half minutes into "Kid A". It suddenly doesn't feel right, and you don't exactly know why. This is followed by track three, "The National Anthem"
This is when the first plane slams into the north tower at 470 mph.
"The National Anthem" sounds a bit like a Morphine song. It's a completely different direction from the first two songs on KID A, and it's confusing; it's chaotic. "What's going on?," the lyrics ask. "What's going on?" It gets crazier and crazier, until the second plane hits the second tower (at 9:03 A.M. in reality and at 3:42 in the song). For a moment, things are somber. But then it gets more anarchic. (Reader's Note: You might want to consider playing KID A right about now, since I'm not always so good at explaining shit like this). Which leads into track four, "How to Disappear Completely." This is the point where it feels like the world is possibly ending. People try to convince themselves that they are not there. People keep repeating: "This isn't happening". People are "floating" (read: falling) to the earth. We are told of strobe lights and blown speakers; there are fireworks and hurricanes. This is a song about being burned alive and jumping out of windows, and this is a song about having to watch those things happen. And it's followed by an instrumental piece without melody ("Treefingers"), because what can you say when skyscrapers collapse? All you can do is stare at them with your hand over your mouth

This is the sort of thing you write if you are explicitly trying to be my hero.

But alas, I have uncovered another pop-prophecy, this time from a most unlikely source:

...early 2000s Justin Timberlake.

Or rather, David Nicoll, Veit Renn, and Josh Chasez, who wrote "Digital Get Down" for NSYNC.

Veit Renn wrote several album filler songs on "No Strings Attached", David Nicoll is currently the lead singer of the Chippendales European Review, apart from having the worst looking website of all time, and Josh Chasez is

LOLZ OK so it's JC.

Anyway. JC and company wrote a seemingly throwaway song in 200 called "Digital Get Down" which is about, well, Skype?




"Every time I'm sittin home alone girl
I can't wait to get you on the phone girl
So pick it up babe
I can see everything you do
Bouncin me from satellite to satellite



I mean like, yeah, this seems normal to us in 2011, but 11 years ago this was pretty much a Jetson's fanfic. What happens next, is what JC assumes we will be doing with this technology.


I love the things you do for me so late at night
So turn me on yeah
It's like I'm right there next to you yeah

Yes everyone, Skype Sex was theorized by NSYNC. In truth any other notion or theorization of live video calls at the time was for normal conversations. Who else can you say was predicting future inventions that we've always wanted in terms of phone sex? This is like writing a song about a flying car... that you are getting road head in.
But alas, that was only Justin's verse. Wait until JC himself starts to sing:

I lose my mind just when you're speaking
I see you on the screen, I get to freaking
So get down babe
And I'll get down for you (I'll get down for you)
I get so excited when I'm watching girl
I can't wait to see you touch your body girl
It's just me and you
So we can do what we gotta do (yeah)

I'm not sure which is more remarkable, that JC predicted that almost instantly after we had the technology to achieve video calls that we would "get to freakin'", or that your parents let you listen to this? (Which in all reality is because most listeners kinda tune this album out after "This I Promise You")

So next time you are touching yourself on a Skype call, remember that fucking JC Chasez has been waiting for you to do this for 11 years

But what really puzzles me is that, as you can tell from the bridge, is that how much of a boy band Nostradamus JC may be, he couldn't imagine high-speed internet. Maybe we shouldn't trust him to predict the future.

Then again, I don't trust Thom Yorke...

Nope